"He died in his sleep. Doctors say he went peacefully. His funeral is next week."
"That was fast," I thought. I still had to go into work that day. Usually dad drives me. He usually drives me to school, church, and anywhere else. Our car rides had shortened over the years. I was no longer up for the rides to the market. The early Saturday drives ended due to my work schedule. The afternoons at church were replaced my afternoons at school.
I could've called out of work but didn't feel it was necessary. I had yet to shed a tear. His body was gone by the time I got home from school. It was an enjoyable day. I guess. I was complimented twice in two of my classes. Felt pretty good walking out of class and exiting through the welcoming doorway. I thought it was unusual that he didn't answer his phone. I had been waiting by the bus stop staring across the street. All the people who appeared to be on autopilot or locked into their cell phone screens. They all seemed the same.
I had trouble meeting anybody new because the truth was, nobody around me was really new. Their faces were too familiar, their mannerisms were predictable and they all laughed at the same jokes. "That joke isn't funny anymore," I thought. I did my best to not shake my head at the sound of their conversations. Kept my eyes forward and bypassed the loud gestures.
Even walked past an ensuing brawl between two couples earlier in the day. I could hear the heavy footsteps rushing into each other like two bulls. I could smell the rubber burning off their running shoes, wondering if they were appropriate for street fighting. I thought I should've at least informed the security guard. There weren't too many people outside at the time. I had to get to my next class. Should I have stopped? My dad would've done something. Not me. I heard the voices, thick with anger. What would little old me do? Right when my hand reached for the knob, I heard,
"Get off of him!" She sounded in despair. Worried about her other half. "They asked for it," I thought. My hands swung as careless as my head. "They were loud enough for the security guard to hear," I thought. Looking back I regretted not at least sneaking a peak into the action.
I leaned against the wall embracing the end of a long day. My brother and I hadn't spoken in so long but for some reason he was calling me. I thought about letting it go to voicemail but remembered that I promised myself to try and be more welcoming. Delivering the news of my dad's death didn't exactly convince me that I should always pick up his calls. Well, at least I don't have to be standing out here alone. I slowed down and decided to sit on the long brown bench I saw every day of the week. It was usually filled with students who would sit there for hours.
The ground felt warm as the sun began to move ahead of some clouds. There weren't as many people outside as I expected. Was there an ongoing pep rally? An ongoing concert? Did everyone forget it was rush hour? Better start moving before the streets get noisy. My book bag felt heavy as my body sulked downward. I thought about chucking it. Dad's gone, why keep going? Then I wondered what else I could get away with by blaming my dad's death.
Will nature make a man out of me now that dad's gone? Sixteen, clumsy and shy. My watch got stuck on my jacket sleeve as I decided it was warm enough to walk in a sweater. The same sweater I got in the mall. The same mall my dad would always drive me to. The dirt on the trail offered hints of a snowstorm as my shoes crunched with each soft step I took. Made me think of the time we threw snowballs at moving trucks. "They interrupted my sleep," was my rationale.
My hat covered my ears blocking the unexpected winds that hit me as I drew closer to the large buildings. Upon reaching home, I headed to my room to get changed and rest until I had to head to work. I was stopped in the hallway by my mom who immediately gave me a hug as she cried on my shoulder. I wondered about the last time I hugged her. Probably my middle school graduation. Will she and I grow closer now? I couldn't make out the words my aunt and uncle were giving me. I just knew it hadn't hit me yet. After a small meal and a quick shower I looked at the clock and thought looks like I won't be getting a ride from dad.
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